#9 What is this now?

It's been quite a while since I last wrote something here..
Yeah..I definitely have lost interest in writing, or maybe It's more accurate to say that I got frustrated with a lack of originality in anything I do.. It's all futile effort after all...

Anyways, I was just attempting to ponder how I spend most of my time these days and where my aim of life have shifted to. Comparing some aspects of my personality from the past and the present, all I see in the mirror is just one confused dude not knowing where to go or what to do next. And this...convenient shelter where I used to run to in times of trouble--i.e. God's arm--has once again tapped on my burdened shoulder. As I tried to plea for help, I realized one thing that's very wrong..

I was on facebook just then. My status box was empty and I felt like writing something meaningful. Since I was pondering, I started typing, 'God..save my troubled heart' or something along that line. Then I had this split second thought sparking in my head, saying, 'what the hell? why am I spending 5 minutes on facebook status when all I'm trying to do is to talk to God? Since when did facebook become my God, or medium for my prayer?' So I closed the facebook window, and began thinking about what my subconscious intention was. It's not that I wanted to talk to God...if I really longed for talking to God, I'd be talking to Him whenever I want to. I could be talking when I'm working..when I'm waiting for someone or something..when I'm cooking or eating. Truth is that I let this damn social network crap worsen my Pharisaism--writing spiritual stuff on my web page doesn't make me a real spiritual person. Maybe I only wanted people's attention. I have ridiculed my own spiritual thirst by secretly hoping to gain people's attention on facebook...shame on me.

I am only writing this to remind myself for the future reference..
I'm not trying to gain any attention or sympathy..
Barely anybody checks my blog anyways haha.

God bless my troubled heart..