#8, New Year's Resolutions

As the year 2008 is about to be a history,
I give myself a brief moment of indulgence in mushy nostalgia.

For sure, there's been awful lot of incidences that wore me out.
This year's been really extemporaneous..not by choice.
Not a thing I planned ahead turned out promising..and so much more of unexpected bad news, awww.
But by God's guidance, I believe, I became stronger.

In 2009, I'd like to:

-truly understand God's grace
-learn how I can demonstrate to Him that I really understood
-have early morning tea at least three times a week
-say grace before every meal
-read at least 1 book a month and widen my intellectual horizon
-be more attentive in general

-be physically fit
-and lastly, wish you love.

I do pray that things will be different than they were in 2008..

#7, You see..

Indubitably, you're the only one who can read everything written inside of me, even the things I'm not aware of. You've known all that I am even before my birth.. You held my hand and led me until this very moment, and I believe it was done by your divine intervention, not by chances or my own strength.
I thank you.

I try not to forget how you've been working in my life, but It's getting harder.
My soul is terribly weakened that I no longer can balance my life and pay attention to my spiritual needs. I feel like I am helplessly floating on the open sea without knowing where to go and what to do now. In search of a relief or ways to empty my troubled heart, I say whatever I want to say and laugh at things. But...now I have more complaints, doubts, and deepened hatreds.

I'm nothing like Job or Abraham. I don't have such a great faith..
What do you see in me that's so valuable to you that makes you say you love me even when I appeared to be the least bothered about you? ...

I'm sick of my wicked thoughts and all that's in me now.
I'm seeking for a second conversion..
All I'm asking for is your sign.
Since I'm not so wise or spiritually awaken,
It would be great of you to let me have a spiritual mentor.
You've promised that you would show me what's unsearchable and great..
now I want to get ready to see them.