I have no clue what I have been going through lately.
I seemed to realize the urgency of coming before Him, but there's nothing I have done to show that I did realize. I would just talk about how I should be praying and all that, but it's always easier said than done. Although it's very fortunate to know that I have not yet reached to the point of being desensitized to the miserable pain my soul is in, that alone means nothing when I lack motivation to change and the nail of my terribly wicked behaviors and immoral thoughts continuously pierce through Jesus hands and feet on the cross.
But today, I once again was encouraged to open up my bible, and flipped through it to find the scripture which struck my heart during the worship service. It reads:
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy spirit who has been given to us. (Roman 5:1-6)
No wonder I'm not okay!
I haven't been justified by faith, I have no peace with God lately, I am not standing in his grace, and of course I am not rejoicing in hope of the glory of God. THAT's why I screamed at the top of my lungs when I encountered any sufferings rather than to rejoice in it.
However badly tangled my thoughts are, how intense my situation might seem, and whatever I'm about to experience, I once again am willing to leave them all up to Him and let my life be a living proof of God's divine intervention. Let these words be sweet in your ear, Lord...
