#4, endless

I tried to throw myself into a deep contemplation to ascertain myself in this situation. But it is bringing me more complexity instead, slowly toxicating the reality in my head--It came to me like a mellow chocolate that made my pupils dilate with a swallow. As more and more of it settled deep inside of me, it’s now beginning to sway me so I can accept it as a pre-ordained part of who I am from time immemorial. I feel like I’m trapped in thoughts that are haunting in my mind day and night, and it never fails to make me wallow in emotional ups-and-downs.

Maybe I’m trifling with something trivial
Or maybe I’m only making a meaningless wobble..
I don’t really know.

But I’m sure of one thing—that is to escape from you.

#3, 落花, the falling blossom.

I sense the coming of a season of the falling blossom, even to the very one that used to melt away my stress. One, two, three, four… The falling blossom is paving the streets white, and the fragrance of flowers carried by the gentle breeze is becoming obscure. Where you used to be, I see many different colors instead, and I believe our Polaroid memories will fly away under the wings of time..

There’s always been something secret deep within me,
and that never let my gratitude out to you.

I could never return your smile..

But as for now, I’ll speechlessly stand in distance, watching your free fall while I’m profoundly regretting for making everything sorrowful..
If you will ever allow a single word for me to say, that will be my sweetest goodbye.

‘Farewell’

#2, iridescence.

Seems like it doesn’t even matter how hard I try. What comes back to me after all my efforts looks like nothing but a cold sneer, fading out of my sight as tears of frustration stream down my face.
In great dismay I try to run away from the place where millions of thoughts are caving around me, but only to find out that I am still standing in the same spot.

Thoughts that never go away...

I finally let myself indulge fear and fall in a bottomless pit deep within me. I feel my visions getting bleary, and my scream slowly becoming indistinct.
Then there’s a long silence as who I think ‘I am’ fades away like a tinted shadow.

Hope I won’t wake up in a cold sweat.


...

#1, the beginning.

What have long been forgotten through my indifference has now come back to me like obstacles on my way. It was abandoned out of my sight for so long that it finally decided to bother me a little bit. However, I'm glad I realized this, and I'll be looking forward to my future endeavor to better deal with this. Each post will be a part of continuum of improvement, and I hope I'll see a significant difference by the time I write 100th post.